boy party.

aside from a three month stint in college, i never imagined myself living in a household full of boys as the sole female. yet, here i am. sure, one is my 'partner,' and the other two are my 'children.' but still. that's a whole lotta penis and fart humor.

i came home from work last evening, my first day back in the office after a long overdue break, (SIXTEEN DAYS!), to find all three of my gentleboy/men companions shirtless, fist pumping to some distorted metal record, shoveling spaghetti in their faces. after a bemused smirk/eyeroll combo, my heart melted a bit, and i grabbed a fork to dig in. they're a flurry of emotions, all three of them. anger, humor, frustration, anxiety, attention seeking, wrestling weirdos, busting each others' faces up, either ending up in a big ole pit of belly laughs or overexerted sobs. 

i clean their clothes. i provide their snuggles. i keep us all on track with appointments and social obligations. i give them love. 

i also have not urinated in private in 5+ years. i don't know if it's any different with girls or not, if this is a standard parent thing, or if we just are too lax with the discipline of privacy, but i always have a crowd. it's funny, considering both of my sons demand 'privacy' when they're dropping a deuce, yet i'm not permitted the audacity to request the same favor. 

there's always pee on the toilet seat. the floor. i wipe their asses. 

if i'm in the bathroom for more than 3 minutes. (using the toilet, applying make-up, showering, etc.), it's guaranteed i'll receive company from one of my three male roommates. usually, they'll even bring toys. plop themselves down in front of me on the floor, (me, mid-tweeze on my bikini line) - 'WHAT YOU DOING MOM?'

'nothing. pooping. peeing. privacy please?'

'WHY IS THEIR BLOOD IN THE TOILET MOM?'

'leave me alone. go find your dad. privacy please.' 

'I SEE YOUR BOOTY BUTT MOM.'

'great, i don't need to worry about you inheriting my poor vision, now move along.'

i mean, on one hand - is it annoying AF? of course. hell yes it is.

on the other hand, i try to keep a sense of humor about it and cram all the knowledge i can in their little brains while i have their attention. as soon as i start explaining the concept of 'private boundaries,' 'public vs. private parts,' 'the importance of understanding consent, particularly around women,' or my personal favorite, 'it's not bloody poop, it's menstruation, which is why mommies are cranky and have tummy aches every month and how babies are born. . .' i've found that this method is much more effective in garnering my desired privacy than 'please leave and shut the door behind you.'

i can't wait until these little assholes are in their teen years. i'm going to storm into the bathroom every chance i get. crawl up in their beds and demand cuddles at 3 am. demand that they play with me and then climb on their backs and faces when they're preoccupied. 

but i also appreciate that these minor inconveniences and invasions of privacy are fleeting. sooner than later, they won't command my undying attention or company. sure, i'll be able to use the bathroom in peace, but i'll miss the shirtless boys, fist pumping to spaghetti night, telling me they love me times infinity.

so i'll just continue to smirk and roll my eyes and soak up every minute of it.